Updated: May 30, 2021
Jane Nelsen, author of the "Positive Discipline" book series,
asks parents facing any issue to honestly ask themselves:
"What do I really want? Do I want blame? …or solutions?"
For me, this bit of advice opened up my whole world.
STEP 3: SEEK SOLUTIONS
MY OWN TURN-AROUND
Early on in my own parenting, when my two eldest children were still quite small, I had a lot of unconscious reactions. If a mess had been left on the living room floor, I'd want to know who did it and correct them right away. I wanted blame. But, I wasn't conscious of it.
When I read Positive Discipline, I had an "aha" moment. I realized that I was continually dragging the children down into the pain of their misbehavior. It didn't transform them - and it didn't give the house a good feeling.
So, I took out a big, thick marker and made a sign on my refrigerator so that I would see it each day: DO I WANT BLAME OR SOLUTIONS?
Soon, if a mess had been left on the living room floor, instead of angrily yelling: "Who forgot to pick up their toys?!" ...I would re-think it.
"Boys, what do you need to do with your toys so that Dad and I can walk through the living room without accidentally stepping on a toy?"
If the toys were Lego blocks, then I'd get an immediate action as a response. Swoop! The toys would disappear.
There were times when I'd forget and say something like, "Who left their dirty clothes on the floor?"
Can you guess what I would hear in reply?
Yep. "Hey, Mom, do you want blame or solutions?!"
Positive parenting is right in line with Right Brain Education. If you examine blame- and solution-making, it leads you straight to the different characteristics of each hemisphere.
LEFT BRAIN PARENTING --> PLAYS THE BLAME GAME
• critical thinki