What if I lose my patience with my child?

Hi, everybody! It’s me, Pamela. And today’s question is: “What if I lose my patience with my child? Will it have lasting damage?”

This summer, I was putting my three grandsons to bed after a very full day. We had been swimming, gardening, playing, cooking—you know, one of those wonderful days when everyone is happy and Grandma is completely worn out by bedtime. 😊

My youngest grandson, who is three, decided he absolutely could not brush his teeth. “I can’t!” he insisted. And even after all these years of parenting, I could feel myself getting irritated and impatient. I was tired, too. 

So, I took a deep breath. While his big brothers brushed their teeth and pulled on their pajamas, I turned my attention toward them and said, “Wow! Look at that. Big kids brush their teeth!” Then I made up a little song: “Little kids say, ‘I can’t do it.’ Big kids say, ‘I can!’” He crossed his arms, looked at me very seriously, and said, “But I’m a little kid.” Okay. Smart kid. 😂

And honestly, that made me smile. That tiny pause changed the whole feeling of the moment. Once I wasn’t reacting from irritation, I could think again. We talked about some of the special things “big kids” get to do, and suddenly he was very interested in being a big kid—and brushing his teeth.

Here’s what I want you to know: Right brain parenting does not mean that we never get frustrated, tired, impatient, or overwhelmed. We are human. Sometimes our nervous systems are simply saying, “I’ve had enough for today!” What matters is learning to notice that moment before it carries us too far.

Sometimes one breath is enough. Sometimes we need to lower our voice, step away for a moment, laugh, change our approach, or simply admit, “I’m getting frustrated.”

And sometimes we don’t catch ourselves in time. We snap. We raise our voice. We say something we wish we hadn’t. Then, we repair. And it’s as easy as saying: “I’m sorry. I was frustrated, and I didn’t speak kindly. Let’s try again.”

I think one of the most beautiful things we can teach our children is that relationships can bend without breaking.

We can have a hard moment and still come back to one another.

YOU’VE GOT THIS

You do not have to be endlessly patient to be a loving parent.

When things go sideways, pause if you can. Breathe. Look beneath your irritation. And if you need to repair afterward, repair.

Then begin again.

… A FEW THINGS TO CARRY WITH YOU …

• When you feel yourself becoming impatient, ask: “Am I tired, hungry, rushed, overstimulated, or carrying too much?”

• Give yourself one breath before responding.

• If you lose your patience, reconnect rather than getting stuck in guilt.

• Remember that sometimes a little humor or a change of approach can completely shift the moment.

JOURNAL PROMPT

Think about a recent moment when you lost your patience. What did you need in that moment—and what might help you next time?

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

I am human.

I am worthy of love even when I make mistakes.

No matter what happens, I can always pause, repair, and return to love.

QUESTION FOR YOU!

What helps you reset when you can feel your patience starting to disappear?