"My child says another child is being mean to them. How should I approach this the right brain way?"

Hi, everybody! It’s me, Pamela. And the parents in our learning center recently asked us:

“My child says another child is being mean to them.

How should I approach this the right brain way?”

Gosh. This question touches such a tender place in our hearts, as parents. When our child is hurt, left out, teased, pushed, or treated unkindly, it can bring up strong feelings in us. We may feel worried, protective, angry, confused, or unsure of what to do next.

And many of us have seen both sides of this. Sometimes our child is the one being hurt, and sometimes our child may be the one who is unkind to someone else. Neither situation is easy. But in both situations, our children need the same foundation: calm, connection, guidance, and love.

The goal is not to make the issue feel bigger, heavier, or more frightening. The goal is to help our child feel safe, supported, and prepared.

1. BEGIN WITH EMOTIONAL SAFETY

If your child tells you someone has been mean to them, begin gently. Try to keep your voice calm and your body relaxed.  You might say: “I’m so glad you told me.” “That sounds like it felt really hard.” “You are safe with me.” “Let’s talk about it together.”

Before we rush into advice, our child needs to feel that we can hear them. A child who feels emotionally safe is more likely to share what really happened, what they are feeling, and what kind of help they need.

2. LISTEN WITHOUT MAKING THEM RELIVE IT TOO MUCH

Sometimes, when we are worried, we ask many questions very quickly: What happened? Who did it? Why didn’t you tell the teacher? Did you say something back? Has this happened before?

These are understandable questions. But for the child, too many questions at once can feel overwhelming.

Instead, try a softer approach: “Can you tell me a little about what happened?” “How did that feel inside?” “What do you wish had happened?” “What would help you feel safer next time?”

The goal is not to make your child re-live the stress. The goal is to understand enough to support them wisely.

3. USE STORYTELLING, BOOKS, AND PLAY

Children often process difficult experiences more easily through stories. You might read a children’s book about friendship, kindness, courage, speaking up, including others, asking for help, being different, or standing tall inside.

After reading, you can gently ask: “Have you ever felt like this character?” “What helped the character feel brave?” “What could the character say?” “Who helped in the story?”

This gives your child a little emotional distance. They do not have to talk directly about themselves right away. They can explore the situation through the story first. That can feel much safer.

For younger children especially, puppet play or pretend play can also be very helpful. You might use two stuffed animals, dolls, or puppets. One puppet says something unkind. The other puppet practices what to do.

For example:

Puppet 1: “You can’t play with us.” 

Puppet 2: “Okay, then I’m going to see if [John] can play with me.”

Or:

Puppet 1: “That’s mine. Give it to me.”  Puppet 2: “I’m playing with it right now, but you can have a turn later.”

Keep it light. Keep it short. Keep it gentle. You are not trying to frighten your child. You are helping their brain and body practice possible responses in a safe place.

4. PRACTICE SIMPLE WORDS

Children often need words ready before the hard moment happens.

You can practice simple “I” messages such as:

“I don’t like that.”

“I feel sad when you say that.”

“Please stop.”

“I need space.”

“I’m going to ask for help.”

You can also practice short brave phrases:

“Stop.”

“That’s not kind.”

“I don’t want to play this way.”

“I’m walking away.”

Some children will be able to say the words clearly. Some children may only be ready to walk away. Some children may need to go straight to an adult. All of these can be brave steps.

5. USE RIGHT BRAIN VISUALIZATION

Before school, or before seeing a child who has been unkind, you can guide your child through a gentle visualization.

You might say:

“Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking into school feeling calm. Imagine your feet strong on the ground. Imagine your heart filled with light. Imagine yourself knowing what to say. Imagine yourself finding a kind friend or a safe adult.”

Then ask:

“What is one brave step you can picture yourself taking?”

Maybe your child imagines saying, “Please stop.” Maybe they imagine walking away. Maybe they imagine telling the teacher. Maybe they imagine finding a friend.

Visualization gives the child inner practice before the real-life moment arrives. It helps them feel more prepared.

6. TEACH AFFIRMATIONS

Simple affirmations can become little anchors of courage. You might teach your child to say:

I am safe. I can ask for help. My voice matters. I am worthy of kindness. I do not have to face this alone.

You can say them together in the car, before school, at bedtime, or after a hard day. These words help rebuild the child from the inside.

7. KNOW WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP

Sometimes a child can handle a small friendship problem with gentle coaching. But sometimes adult help is needed.  If the unkind behavior is repeated, physical, threatening, humiliating, or making your child afraid to go to school, it is important to involve the teacher or school.

You might say: “My child shared something that concerns me. I’d like to understand what is happening and work together on a plan so everyone feels safe.”  This keeps the conversation calm and solution-focused. Asking for help is not weakness. It is part of creating safety.

8. GUIDE REPAIR IF YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN UNKIND

Sometimes we may discover that our own child has hurt someone else. This can feel painful as a parent. But this is also an opportunity for growth.

Rather than labeling the child as “bad,” we can help them understand: What happened? What were they feeling? What did the other child feel? What could they do differently next time? How can they repair the hurt?

You might say: “You are a good person, and this choice hurt someone. Let’s think about how to make it right.”  This helps the child stay connected to their goodness while learning responsibility, empathy, and kinder behavior.

YOU’VE GOT THIS

If your child is facing bullying or friendship challenges, begin gently. Listen first. Keep the tone emotionally safe. Use stories, puppets, role play, affirmations, and visualization. Help your child practice one small brave step. Ask for adult support when needed.

You do not have to make your child relive the stress. You are helping them feel empowered, prepared, and loved.

At the center of it all is the loving relationship. That is where courage grows.

… HEART GIFTS FOR YOUR WEEK …

✨ PARENT POINTERS

• Keep your tone calm and emotionally safe. 

• Thank your child for telling you. 

• Listen before giving advice. 

• Ask gentle questions about what happened and how your child felt. 

• Use children’s books to explore friendship, courage, kindness, and speaking up. 

• Try puppet play or pretend play to practice possible responses. 

• Teach simple “I” messages, such as: “I don’t like that,” or “Please stop.” 

• Practice asking for help from a safe adult. 

• Use visualization to help your child imagine a positive outcome. 

• Teach affirmations such as: “I am safe,” “I can ask for help,” and “My voice matters.” 

• Involve the school if the behavior is repeated, physical, threatening, humiliating, or causing fear. 

• If your child has been unkind, guide them with empathy, responsibility, and repair — not shame.

📝 JOURNAL PROMPT

Think back to a time when you felt left out, teased, embarrassed, or treated unfairly.

• What helped you feel safe?

• What do you wish someone had said to you?

• How can that memory help you support your child with more calm, empathy, and wisdom?

🌟 I AM AFFIRMATION

I am safe. My voice matters. I can ask for help. I am worthy of kindness.

💬 QUESTION FOR YOU!

What is one gentle phrase, story, or practice that could help your child feel more prepared when someone is unkind?